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"I just don’t know how we got here. Our entire relationship, I have gone above and beyond for you, for us. I’ve cooked, I’ve picked your shit up off the floor, I’ve laid your clothes out for you like you’re a four year old. I support you, I supported your work. If we ever had dinner or anything I did the plans, I take care of everything. And I just don’t feel like you appreciate any of it. I don’t feel you appreciate me. All I want is to know, is for you to show me that you care"
The Breakup
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"Breathe. You’re going to be okay. Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before. You’ve been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you’ve survived. Breathe and know that you can survive this too. These feelings can’t break you. They’re painful and debilitating, but you can sit with them and eventually, they will pass. Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon, they are going to fade and when they do, you’ll look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience. I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing, again and again. This will pass. I promise it will pass."
Daniell Koepke (via loveless-people)

I needed to read this.

(via corrineplainandsimple)

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"Some days I want to cry until I’m happy again."
IntoTheRedEye (via intotheredeye)
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(Source: nickmiller, via ensconceddd)

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Timing is Everything

Today has been a day that I’ve struggled to not be frustrated with things that aren’t happening in my life that I wish were…

Five years ago, while going through the worst/hardest break-up of my young life, my grandmother gave me a piece of advice that I’ve held to through many times of struggle:

"If it’s meant to be, it will be."

One of the most difficult parts of this advice is figuring out how long you are supposed to hesitate while figuring out if it is meant to be. 

The past three years have been a myriad of emotion.

There have been consistent struggles with my family, struggles with socioeconomic factors, and struggles with time and location. 

I’ve been willing to accept the strain from family. I recognize that their short-sighted perspective is not the “right” way to live or look at the situation, and I don’t feel that is an acceptable reason to stop being with someone I enjoy.

The last three factors have made things the hardest. 

I’m torn between wanting the excitement of each other from the beginning of the relationship and wondering if the strain is occurring because of these later factors. 

The hardest part then, is figuring out how long does one idle before there will be a moment of knowing that this is where we need to be. I’m suffering from figuring out the difference between wants and needs in a relationship. It’s turning out, there’s a few more needs than I originally thought. I’m remaining optimistic.

Spotify Me

dearoldlove:

The only reason I keep my Spotify public these days is that I’m hoping you’ll see what I’m listening to and fall back in love with me.

BW

dearoldlove:


You made me a better writer. I could never thank you enough for that.

Kindness

Friday morning around 6:35, I walked out to my car to go to my internship. Resting on my windshield was a bouquet of ten yellow and red roses mixed in with chrysanthemums. Thinking that my boyfriend somehow got one of his friends to make a surprise delivery (his car is out of commission right now), I ran upstairs to put them in a vase. On my way to school, I called him and left a voicemail thanking him. I floated through half the day.

I was then surprised around lunchtime when he had no clue what I was talking about and that he had not left me any flowers.

At first, I was disappointed. After all the difficulties it seems we’ve been struggling through, a surprise like that was just what I needed from him. The act of spending money to do something like that isn’t necessarily what I want, but the fact that someone went to the trouble to arrive way early and place flowers on my car to make me smile. Honestly, a note would have resulted in similar exuberance.  That’s the point: the thought and effort would be enough to change how I’ve been feeling about everything lately. 

As the weekend is coming to a close, and I’ve yet to reveal the sender, I considered other alternatives to the meaning of the flowers.

A. I highly doubt it is a romantic suitor. I really feel that it is mere coincidence. 

B. If it is a suitor, I probably don’t know them because I honestly haven’t given that many people my new address. I wonder if it will happen again. Grad school has definitely dwindled my friends that I actually interact with.

C. Maybe it was a random “pay it forward” kind of thing. 

D. I have a stalker.

E. It was a mistake and some girl didn’t get flowers intended for her. 

 I wish that I did know who sent them. Their generosity and thoughtfulness seriously changed my outlook.. It made me more conscious of the kinds of behavior I want to be occurring in my life. Once again, this isn’t a material go spend money kind of want, but instead that physical effort of someone to go out of their way to do a small thing that’s actually a really big deal.

I feel so overwhelmed and stressed about internship.

Maybe the flowers were a sign that someone knows and cares, or maybe it is a sign to just appreciate life even during struggle… or maybe some girl missed out on her favorite flowers. 

Whatever,

 Friday was my lucky day. 

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Someone left me flowers on my car before I left for work on Friday morning. There was no note or anything attached.   They weren’t from my boyfriend or any close friends.  I’d really love to know who was so thoughtful.  It really made my day, and I’d like to thank them.

Someone left me flowers on my car before I left for work on Friday morning. There was no note or anything attached. They weren’t from my boyfriend or any close friends. I’d really love to know who was so thoughtful. It really made my day, and I’d like to thank them.